River and Miller updates!

After lunch the little guy was so tired. He often refuses to nap. Not in a roll on the floor kicking and screaming way. His tactics are more subtle and refined. He will say things like, “oh I’m a big boy and I don’t take naps anymore,” and then turn his back to you and continue his activity. Today it was, “daddy I want to learn! It gives me energy!” We use an app called Duo Lingo ABC each day. I shared it with April and Wanda on Monday so we could continue his lessons. For obvious reasons he has spent more time on it this week than normal. The iPad and iPhone are addictive. He tried to bargain with me. Everything is a negotiation. It’s hard to say, “I don’t want you to learn!” So I told him that if he would take a nap for his energy today that we could go to the pool when he woke. He got excited and ran up the stairs with nana for a nap.  Nana came down and said, “He is tired, but won’t stop singing.” I’ve seen this before. I pictured his eyes half rolled back in his head. His eyel...

On the way to fish this morning I answered an unknown number. I knew it was the doctor. I had Phillip, Johnny, and Fielder with me so I turned the speaker phone in my truck off and got the first bit of good news I’ve got in a while. No change over night. River is stable. I’ve learned to turn off the speakerphone if you have any doubt about the caller. One of many lessons I’ve learned from Bart. Ever had a moment where you stuck your foot in your mouth on speakerphone? I have. I’m known to answer Carly’s calls with, “what are you wearing?” Then I feel Carly blushing through the phone and learn that her coworkers are in the car. I don’t get embarrassed. She does. I'm also known to crack a 13 year old joke only to find out a customer’s wife or daughter is in the car. I’ll apologize, but the damage is done. I’ve learned to ask, “are you alone?” It diminishes the power of the Joke because they know it’s coming. In this new age of technology far removed from bag phones or Zack Morris pho...

I left the hospital this morning at 9:45. Miller had her first appointment with the pediatrician at 12:30 and I rushed to Athens to be there for her and Carly. I felt like a travel baseball parent bussing each kid to their games indifferent counties. I’m frazzled, but resolved to give each child the attention they deserve. I’m afraid I’m failing. I wonder if i'm doing enough to make sure they all feel special. They all have such different needs.  A few weeks ago, Fielder and I went to a travel baseball game. I love baseball enough to go watch 9 year olds play. It was great. We ordered a shaved ice. He wanted bubble gum flavor. Who is this child! I blame Carly. I secretly changed the flavor to strawberry. They were both pink. I hoped he wouldn’t realize. He did, but we ate it together anyway.  While we were at the park I started to imagine travel ball for three kids. As Brad rushed out of the park, I thought, “this must be tough.” I snatched a small sense of hope when I remembe...

How do you find rest? It escapes me. My eyes were closed from 11:30 to 6:30, but I woke up fatigued. Wore out. My neck hurts, my head hurts, and the skin below my eyes is raw. It’s almost like the marathon days of summer vacation. Swimming in the ocean and constantly wiping the saltwater from my eyes. The sun pounding down on you drains all your energy. But the waves are worse. These waves crash against me like a tsunami. My life is chaos. My hopes, desires, and dreams are debris floating around this deserted island. I am Tom hanks. River is Wilson. I pray I have his resolve.  When you finally slow down you crash. The drive to Tilman’s house last night was hard. My driving was hypnotic. I’ve lived here not that long ago. I know these roads well, but the drive, even with the GPS that I didn’t need, was chaotic. I didn’t crash or come close, but I could have been pulled over. I had an experience like this in college.  I was working at the State Capitol for Don Balfour. Cross ove...

I know your life, so far’s a struggle But I promise you, it’s worth the pain.  I stand here now and I sing and I pray For healing power, somehow someway.  I hold your hand, I know your fighting.  Keep sailing girl, this River won’t run dry. Cling to each breath, like a wing to the wind.  Don’t give up. You’re a raging River.  I’m leaving now. Our family needs me.  Please find rest, and I’ll try my best too.  I’m leaving you, But please don’t leave me.  Keep fighting girl. I’ll be back Real soon.  I am a child, I don’t understand.  I’d sacrifice everything to have you holding my hand. This nightmare won’t end. We should all be together. I’ll be here with them, but I’m missing you.  She needs me now, But you do too.  I hate the silence. This quiet kills.  In the darkness I hold you. I  dance in this ring of fire.  Last weeks dreams and desires are the fuel, scattered round this raging inferno.  Their Ashes dri...

Ever wish you could be in two places at once? Tonight Carly and Miller were discharged and I made the excruciatingly hard decision to leave River and be with the other 4/5ths of my family. In hindsight it was the right decision. I needed them and they needed me. I’ll be back with River tomorrow. It was so hard to leave her. I sang “I loved you a Busshel and a peck”, “this is the day”, and “soft kitty warm kitty.” I hope that tithes her over until I return.  Our neighbor unexpectedly brought us dinner and must have thought we went from Bradley party of 3 to Bradley party of 5000. The food just kept multiplying. Pastor Josh blessed it. My stomach is full. My heart is full from all the prayers and well wishers. And my eyes are heavy. I’m really looking forward to sleeping on my own bed.  I’ve been able to talk to many of you briefly. I’m surprised at my ability to hold it together. We are not the only ones hurting. My friends and family and even loosely connected four-or-five-deg...

I’m reminded of Eric. He was 3 to 4 years older than me, but was more than a cousin; He was my best Friend. He never treated me like I wasn’t one of the guys his age. He died abruptly from a car accident when I was 13.  We had just got out of school for the summer and I was filled with excitement. Joy even. I hadn’t seen him as often in the year prior to his death because we moved to Athens 1.5 hours away from him. I was looking forward to getting to hang out that summer. We had made plans to come do some fishing in Winder.  The day it happened is burned into my memory. Mrs bedwetter, the bus driver, dropped me off and I came into the house to witness my mom crying. The driver’s name wasn’t really Mrs. Bedwetter; I gave her the name because she suspended me once that year for mooning the school bus. Funny memory. Now we all know where Fielder gets it.  Mom delivered the news that Eric was in a car accident and was in the hospital. In my 13 year old mind, Eric had a broken...